[bandit571]

( answer? They be shaking hands….)

Top of the morning to ya…..can I take me nap, yet?

 

[RCCinNC]

( answer? They be shaking hands….)

Top of the morning to ya…..can I take me nap, yet?

- bandit571

No Bandit. No naps allowed. Besides, it is my hope that you'll be sleeping it off this afternoon….; )

 

[wildwoodbybrianjohns]

A man can do this standing up

A woman can do this sitting down..

A dog will do this on 3 legs…

The answer is?

- bandit571

I was going to answer: "Thinking logically."

 

[pottz]

"There once was a man from Nantucket…."

Fill in the rest IF you dare….

- bandit571

weve been there done that on the last thread,didn't work too well.

 

[pottz]

A man can do this standing up

A woman can do this sitting down..

A dog will do this on 3 legs…

The answer is?

- bandit571

C'mon bandit, that's too easy. The Polka! First thing that came to my mind anyway. ; )

- RCCinNC

your special buddy,thats what i love about ya.

 

[pottz]

i hope you all are having a great thanksgiving be it what it is this year,sons staying put in texas attempting to cook his first thanksgiving dinner,wife is very sad he's not with us but id rather him stay safe.so it's just gonna be me her the beagle and a cousin and his son.gonna smoke a turkey and drink some good wines.the rest of the 4 days off ill spend making christmas gifts….....and drinking more wine-lol.

 

[pottz]

see petey has been doing the right thing way before he had too. ;-)

 

[corelz125]

While dads may be glad to see their daughter happy or in love, when it comes to dating, there are some hard-line rules that NO suitor should cross, unless they want to meet the kind of special wrath only angry dads can dish out.
Here are 10 rules from a father to a teenage daughter's boyfriend:
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them for you.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:
You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat!
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks' homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window - is mine!

 

[corelz125]

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said, "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

 

[corelz125]

First one is kinda long but we have free time today.

 

[Desert_Woodworker]

Thanksgiving celebrations

Macy's 2020 Parade

2 football games - that include the perpetual Lions and Dallas

and a pledge from D_W no more attempts to share alternative "humor" here… From experience in bars you have to think before you speak.

 

[corelz125]

DW thats an old pic it hasnt snowed up here on thanksgiving in years. DW sometimes when your in the bar there isnt much thinking before speaking or remembering what you said the night before. We all been there. The chicken joke is much better than the vampire.

WB i found you a lumber yard when you move across the pond. https://lozoverskawoods.com/

 

[pottz]

First one is kinda long but we have free time today.

- corelz125

good ones, im sure glad i dont have any daughters.

 

[woodbutcherbynight]

DW thats an old pic it hasnt snowed up here on thanksgiving in years. DW sometimes when your in the bar there isnt much thinking before speaking or remembering what you said the night before. We all been there. The chicken joke is much better than the vampire.

WB i found you a lumber yard when you move across the pond. https://lozoverskawoods.com/

- corelz125

Thanks, that place is a bit north and east of my location. But they have to ship via Odessa which is only 2 hr drive from where we will be. Where we are there are alot of small lumberyards that locals run for extra money. You would be surprised what is available. Unlike here they don't have a borg every 10 miles. In fact they have one place that is a German business that resembles a borg here. Most everything else is Mom and Pop local stuff until you get in the city, even then most of those goods are local, and marked up accordingly.

 

[corelz125]

What species do they sell over there? I was looking at Aspen and that place came up. The local places have decent prices or on the high end?

 

[woodbutcherbynight]

What species do they sell over there? I was looking at Aspen and that place came up. The local places have decent prices or on the high end?

- corelz125

Lot of aspen, birch, alder. Then you can get hardwoods from Africa through the Odessa port. Not sure on prices but cheaper than here. Take in mind the exchange rate for dollar to Ukrainian GV is 25 ish to one. Even so I can live off $300 USD a month easily.

 

[RCCinNC]

This is driving me nuts. Either half the planet is on a Zoom call today or else my internet hates me. This may be a one shot deal. ...

...so… Awe shucks Pottz. Actually it's funny you say that, because every once in a while, if I make someone laugh, or do something good for someone…it helps me love me too… What we give always feels better than what we get, ya know? Back atcha buddy…; ) I am not showering with you though. Ya gotta give up on that man.

WW. Not sure about the "thinking logically" response… but given I'm completely unfamiliar with logic (what's that?) I'm sure it makes perfect sense to the rest of you with your exceptionally disciplined and well ordered minds. I kid you not. Polka was the first thing that came to my mind. It's deeply troubling. Lately I've had this urge to learn the accordion, and I asked for Lederhosen for Christmas. Is that weird or what?

So…as Corelz reminded me…life with daughter. I used to show my daughters boyfriends the shop, and took great pleasure in explaining how the bandsaw could double as a meat saw (in a pinch) that my dust collector could easily empty a nutsack and still collect the planer chips simultaneously, and that a belt sander was a great tool for dealing with acne, and would he like me to demonstrate? Then I'd turn on the compressor remotely and they'd soil their shorts. They'd leave in one hell of a hurry and my daughter's a virgin at 32, just the way things should be with daughters. ; ). The above is of course all BS. but it's funny BS. So there ya go. This is a bar, ain't it?

DW…Alternative humor is great, especially when you want to see my deer caught in the headlights look. But thanks for the Elvira image. Really. I mean really really appreciate the Elvira image. If my wife hadn't been looking over my shoulder at the time I wouldn't be sitting here in the closet typing this…just fine by me, because I really love the smell of mothballs in the afternoon. I did understand the chicken joke, but I'll confess to having to think about it. I just don't get humor. Such a shame, I miss out on so much. ; )

WBN…Sounds like you're moving East…Way East….I have absolutely no idea what a "borg" is, but I'll be looking it up after I finish this. I tried to peruse the woodworking website Corelz provided and my iPad started to act up. For some reason I kept getting pop ups asking me for my social security and bank account numbers, interspersed with images of Elvira but I might have had something to do with that. I provided the numbers and my Ipad's happy again so looks like I dodged a bullet there…Whew! That was a close one. Elvira fortunately, has gone nowhere.
Don't know when you go, but stay a part of this nuthouse, OK? If too many sane people show up, it just won't be the same. Strength in numbers my man.

Bandit. Yo! Bandit! Wake up man…Ahhh he's still napping. Hey Pottz…is that his wallet I see peeking out of his back pocket?
Bandit's buying the next round! What a guy! Shhh….not to loud…you might wake him up….

Oops! Almost missed one. Sorry Petey, don't take it personally…can only keep so much crazy in my head at one time.

NOSE HAIRS.

Good god man, you make it too easy… ; )

Big smile for all of ya!

 

[pottz]

be real careful rcc those websites corelz is giving are a direct link to an off shore account,he tried to get me to give him ssn too.this bar is where he launders the money.why do you think the food is bad and the drinks are watered down. ;-) why do you think he has so many good jokes,he's laughing all the way to the bank.

 

[TopamaxSurvivor]

A man can do this standing up

A woman can do this sitting down..

A dog will do this on 3 legs…

The answer is?

- bandit571

Eat turkey ;-)

 

[RCCinNC]

Top! You're back! I believe this den of iniquity is complete! Great to see ya man! 'Course you realize you got the next round…We fleeced Bandit for all he had in his wallet, and for some reason, all of our credit cards are maxed out. Corelz smiling like a Cheshire Cat. It's kind of a weird look. Sometimes he's here, sometimes not…but always that strange grin. It's beginning to freak me out.