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Joke For MrTrim

4.3K views 34 replies 18 participants last post by  DanYo  
#1 · (Edited by Moderator)
Here'as a joke for MrTrim
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider
This…
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne.
After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue
And they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a
Room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the
Road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk; hands them a bill for
$450.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the
Clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00.
When the clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists o n
Speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel
Has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available
For the husband and wife to use.
'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.
'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on
To explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is
Famous. 'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas
Perform here,' the Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions! , the man replies, 'But we
Didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque.
'But sir,' he says, this cheque is only made out for $50.00.'
'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400.00 for sleeping with my
Wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have.
 
#20 ·
Well while we are at it.
'The Fencepost Turtle'
While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Queensland farmer, who got cut on a gate while working cattle, the rural doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to politics & the appointment of the Prime Minister of Australia.

"Well, ya know," drawled the old farmer, "this fella is what they call a fencepost turtle."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost turtle was.

The old farmer said, "when you're driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's called a fencepost turtle."

The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he definitely doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just gotta wonder what kind of dill put him up there in the first place!''
 
#24 ·
Since Grumpy turned the topic to politics-

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road

when, all of a

sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in

an old farmer's

field.

The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to

investigate. He

then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few

days later,

the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked

the old farmer

where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer said he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they

weren't, but you know

how them politicians lie."
 
#25 ·
Indian Chief, "Two Eagles," was asked by a white government
official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years.

You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion,
where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute
and then calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians
running it. No taxes, No debt, Plenty buffalo, plenty beaver,
Clean Water; women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend
all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough
think he improve system like that."
 
#26 ·
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar…. He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but the Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you… so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled & concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born." The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson Canadian, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly says, "Had him circumcised".