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Forum topic by corelz125 posted 11-17-2020 01:42 AM 3864 views 4 times favorited 606 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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corelz125

1756 posts in 1892 days


11-17-2020 01:42 AM

Keep it going for you guys. Let’s keep the politics limited this time.

A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancée to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man.

The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man.

“I am a Torah scholar,” he says. “A Torah scholar? Hmmm,” the father says.

“Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?”

“I will study,” the young man said, “and God will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.

“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies. “God will provide for us.”

“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?”

“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replies the fiancée.

The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks: “How did it go, Honey?”

The father answers: “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”


606 replies so far

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corelz125

1756 posts in 1892 days


#1 posted 11-17-2020 01:43 AM

Three ex-pats are drinking in a NY city bar. “As good as this is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a bar called McTavish’s. The landlord there goes out of his way with the locals. When you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth.”

“Well Angus,” said the Englishman. “At my local pub in London, The Red Lion, the barman will buy your third drink after you buy the first two.”

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman. “Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you step foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another. In fact all the drinks you like. Then, when you’ve had enough to drink, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house.”

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claim. “Did this actually happen to you?” they asked.

“Not myself personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to my sister quite a few times.”

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corelz125

1756 posts in 1892 days


#2 posted 11-17-2020 01:45 AM

WBBN I drilled thousands of holes with Hilti bits they are pricey. Bandit seeing your shop makes me feel normal.

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pottz

12296 posts in 1900 days


#3 posted 11-17-2020 03:22 AM

WE LIVE AGAIN.thanks corelz for the rebirth and the opening jokes to get it all going,long may we live.i was getting lonely tonight.

-- working with my hands is a joy,it gives me a sense of fulfillment,somthing so many seek and so few find.-SAM MALOOF.

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woodbutcherbynight

6624 posts in 3325 days


#4 posted 11-17-2020 03:26 AM



WBBN I drilled thousands of holes with Hilti bits they are pricey. Bandit seeing your shop makes me feel normal.

- corelz125

Yeah maybe a bit overkill for my limited use. Have used in the past though, they work well.

-- Live to tell the stories, they sound better that way.

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pottz

12296 posts in 1900 days


#5 posted 11-17-2020 03:28 AM

gunny i just sent you a pm but i see youve already found us.i like the title.

-- working with my hands is a joy,it gives me a sense of fulfillment,somthing so many seek and so few find.-SAM MALOOF.

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woodbutcherbynight

6624 posts in 3325 days


#6 posted 11-17-2020 03:29 AM

Tonight’s work. Slider trays for drill bits and such. Used Corian on the lower runners and polished it with progressive grit to 2000. Then buffed it out with wax. Very slick. So slick in fact when I just nudge the drawer shut I hear the trays slap the back of the drawer. LOL

-- Live to tell the stories, they sound better that way.

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mel52

1744 posts in 1180 days


#7 posted 11-17-2020 03:30 AM

The first two jokes really started this off good, still laughing. Way to go. Can’t wait for more. Mel

-- MEL, Kansas

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woodbutcherbynight

6624 posts in 3325 days


#8 posted 11-17-2020 03:32 AM

-- Live to tell the stories, they sound better that way.

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pottz

12296 posts in 1900 days


#9 posted 11-17-2020 03:32 AM

welcome back mel corelz bought us a new club house.

-- working with my hands is a joy,it gives me a sense of fulfillment,somthing so many seek and so few find.-SAM MALOOF.

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pottz

12296 posts in 1900 days


#10 posted 11-17-2020 03:38 AM

hey corelz now that your the head thread meister do we call you mr corelz or captain like dw did.and is it proper you be the joke meister on your own thread?

-- working with my hands is a joy,it gives me a sense of fulfillment,somthing so many seek and so few find.-SAM MALOOF.

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TopamaxSurvivor

19829 posts in 4592 days


#11 posted 11-17-2020 03:50 AM

My LB was making a right turn with his semi near an aluminum plant. A lady in a pickup truck tried to pass on the right side. The semi-trailer bent the PU 90 degrees. The biggest cop he had ever seen came to make a report. He was a Black guy so big the motorcycle looked like a Honda 90 under him. He was talking to the lady. She said she is a school teacher. He told her he hoped she did not teach driver’s training. He asked LB if the semi-trailer was damaged and told him he does about 3 of these a week at this intersection.

-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

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TopamaxSurvivor

19829 posts in 4592 days


#12 posted 11-17-2020 03:52 AM


hey corelz now that your the head thread meister do we call you mr corelz or captain like dw did.and is it proper you be the joke meister on your own thread?

- pottz

Jokemeister is probably the proper term. They have more authority than a Mr or a Captian.

-- Bob in WW ~ "some old things are lovely, warm still with life ... of the forgotten men who made them." - D.H. Lawrence

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pottz

12296 posts in 1900 days


#13 posted 11-17-2020 04:35 AM


hey corelz now that your the head thread meister do we call you mr corelz or captain like dw did.and is it proper you be the joke meister on your own thread?

- pottz

Jokemeister is probably the proper term. They have more authority than a Mr or a Captian.

- TopamaxSurvivor


ha ha your right bob corelz was the real leader.and speaking of that where is our new host,he seems too have left the party early.

hey i was feeling like a homeless man until this happened.thanks buddy for giving us a new home.

-- working with my hands is a joy,it gives me a sense of fulfillment,somthing so many seek and so few find.-SAM MALOOF.

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wildwoodbybrianjohns

2217 posts in 463 days


#14 posted 11-17-2020 08:50 AM

After a half-hour of gathering up his courage, a shy guy goes over to a girl sitting at the bar and says:

“Do you mind if we chat for awhile?”

She yells,, “No! I wont sleep with you, you Pig!”

Everyone in the bar stops and stares at the poor guy; and he slinks back to the corner table he had been sitting at.

After some minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes, she smiles and says, “I am sorry if I embarrassed you. I am a Graduate student in Psychology, and I study how people respond in embarrassing situations.”

To which, the guy responds as loudly as possible:

“ARE YOU CRAZY! 200 bucks! For a B…J..?”

-- Wildwood by Brian Johns: The Big Bang: Nothing - exploded into Everything. Thanks to Nothing.

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Peteybadboy

2472 posts in 2865 days


#15 posted 11-17-2020 10:17 AM

‘It is A live”!

Happy to see you all again. Where is DW?

It’s so humid here , 30 min in the shop and I was soaked through my shirt. Where is my winter weather?

Great to see you, I was a bit bummed when I saw Cricket’s note. I was wondering who would post things to get this shut down. Can’t the individual be weeded out and leave the rest of us alone?

For the record I am post 15.

Be well be safe.

-- Petey

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