Ireland - a quick summary.

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Forum topic by murch posted 09-14-2011 03:54 PM 1471 views 1 time favorited 5 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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1380 posts in 3678 days

09-14-2011 03:54 PM

Topic tags/keywords: humor ireland

Ireland is an island to the west of Britain but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland – not the Irish mainland, the British mainland.

The capital of Ireland is Dublin. It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland, but still pay in Euros.

Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be in Ireland, but a successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is now definitely in the UK.

Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland. It has a population of half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the South. No, not the south, the South.

There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the Dáil, (pronounced “Doyle”), an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers’ money. The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.

Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste. Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.

Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the high price of drink.

We have two types of democracy in Ireland. Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result. If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people’s choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum.

Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin.

Ireland has three economies – northern, southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.

All versions of the IRA claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is the Real IRA. The North’s biggest industry is the production of IRAs. Consequently, we now have the Provisional, Continuity and Real IRA. The Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers as it is the easiest to spell.

-- A family man has photos in his wallet where his money used to be.

5 replies so far

View Bertha's profile


13615 posts in 3747 days

#1 posted 09-14-2011 03:58 PM

This is fascinating to me. I went to Dublin for a job interview before the tech boom. I could have bought waterfront property for a song. I went back during the boom and couldn’t buy a stool. I’m told now that it’s somewhere in between. Ireland fascinates me.

-- My dad and I built a 65 chev pick up.I killed trannys in that thing for some reason-Hog

View Sodabowski's profile


2399 posts in 3887 days

#2 posted 09-14-2011 04:08 PM

Where’s the North, again?

-- Thomas - there are no problems, there are only solutions.

View helluvawreck's profile


32122 posts in 3920 days

#3 posted 09-14-2011 04:22 PM

I’m Irish American. One of Ireland’s biggest exports has always been people. They are scattered all over the world. Most of my ancestors were Irish or Scottish. I reckon that’s one of the reasons that I’m a helluvawreck.

-- helluvawreck aka Charles,

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32122 posts in 3920 days

#4 posted 09-14-2011 05:03 PM

God save all of those countries over there from the EU.

-- helluvawreck aka Charles,

View murch's profile


1380 posts in 3678 days

#5 posted 09-14-2011 05:46 PM

cr1 – Unemployment is way too high at 14% but seems to have stabilized. A lot of companies got
fat and lazy during the boom and have since gone wallop but it is far from being all doom and gloom. Exports are actually going through the roof but people now have very mixed feelings about the
single european currency. The big dogs ( Germany and France) are strenghtening their grip on the EU
and look to be calling all the shots. We (the little dogs) are more and more powerless as a result.

Many here went credit crazy. I believe you have the same situation in th U.S. Thankfully some of us
had more sense but we now have to bail out the banks who lost billions. Personally I’d rather hang
the s.o.b’s but there you go.

Over-all, for me, life is still good. I have my health, my family and a decent job. I’m one of the lucky ones
and am still proud to be a Paddy. Whose round is it?

-- A family man has photos in his wallet where his money used to be.

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