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My Next Life (a joke)

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Forum topic by Joe Lyddon posted 03-12-2018 07:47 PM 884 views 0 times favorited 9 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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Joe Lyddon

10923 posts in 4823 days


03-12-2018 07:47 PM

Topic tags/keywords: joke george carlin george carlin next life a joke

My Next Life
George Carlin (1937 – 2008)

I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

Then, you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you’re too young to work.

You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party and you’re generally promiscuous.

Then, you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.

Then, you become a baby, and then… you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in Spa-like conditions – Central heating, room service on tap, and then…

You finish off as an orgasm!

.

.

-- Have Fun! Joe Lyddon - Alta Loma, CA USA - Home: http://www.WoodworkStuff.net ... My Small Gallery: https://www.ncwoodworker.net/forums/index.php?media/albums/users/joe-lyddon.1389/


9 replies so far

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Ripper70

1377 posts in 1679 days


#1 posted 03-12-2018 09:00 PM

Actually it was Sean Morey who wrote and performed that bit on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson back in 1980. Both Carlin and Woody Allen are often credited with the routine.

-- "You know, I'm such a great driver, it's incomprehensible that they took my license away." --Vince Ricardo

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Joe Lyddon

10923 posts in 4823 days


#2 posted 03-12-2018 09:10 PM



Actually it was Sean Morey who wrote and performed that bit on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson back in 1980. Both Carlin and Woody Allen are often credited with the routine.

- Ripper70

Thank you for the correction!!
... I could just see George Carlin doing that one… Glad that was cleared up… :)

-- Have Fun! Joe Lyddon - Alta Loma, CA USA - Home: http://www.WoodworkStuff.net ... My Small Gallery: https://www.ncwoodworker.net/forums/index.php?media/albums/users/joe-lyddon.1389/

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Kilo19

104 posts in 996 days


#3 posted 03-12-2018 09:17 PM

LMFAO.!!!!!!!!!!

-- Justin

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Steve

2075 posts in 1353 days


#4 posted 03-12-2018 09:21 PM

what was the movie called with brad pitt? the curious case of benjamin button?

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doubleDD

9464 posts in 2814 days


#5 posted 03-12-2018 11:45 PM

My laugh for the day.

-- Dave, Downers Grove, Il. -------- When you run out of ideas, start building your dreams.

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woodbutcherbynight

6069 posts in 3179 days


#6 posted 03-13-2018 02:10 AM

ROFLMAO, sent this to my Father he enjoyed!!

-- Live to tell the stories, they sound better that way.

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Dark_Lightning

4096 posts in 3879 days


#7 posted 03-13-2018 02:56 AM

Too funny! I’ve always said that I wanted to die at the point of orgasm. Might be problematic for the wife, though.

-- Steven.......Random Orbital Nailer

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caboxmaker

280 posts in 1158 days


#8 posted 03-13-2018 04:32 AM

Joe, how did the hip replacement go?

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Joe Lyddon

10923 posts in 4823 days


#9 posted 02-18-2020 06:21 AM

Sorry I missed this way back when…

It all went GREAT!

After the surgery, I spent 1-1/2 to 2 weeks in a PT care home… Went in weighing 219… Checked out at 202!!

I was able to drive car one month early…

My Dr. is the BEST ever… I really never experienced any pain at all… (of course they had me ON pain pills for little while)... I didn’t feel a thing.

Today, all is GREAT… I am back to normal…

Again, sorry I missed this way back when…

I just happened to Search my inbox for lumberjocks… and FOUND IT!

-- Have Fun! Joe Lyddon - Alta Loma, CA USA - Home: http://www.WoodworkStuff.net ... My Small Gallery: https://www.ncwoodworker.net/forums/index.php?media/albums/users/joe-lyddon.1389/

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