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Forum topic by cabinetmaster posted 12-13-2009 03:42 AM 1708 views 1 time favorited 24 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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10874 posts in 4062 days

12-13-2009 03:42 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor jokes

I haven’t posted any humor here lately but Lazy Larry. This ones for you. You can’t help but laugh at this one.



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women—she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We
cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented

by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts
when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares.
Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a
reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d
invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty
children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk
where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position
and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled
very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

24 replies so far

View patron's profile


13652 posts in 3845 days

#1 posted 12-13-2009 03:56 AM

i guess you won’t be asked to go shopping with her anymore ?

if you do , they might just grab the handles on your wheelchair ,

and roll you out into traffic !

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View cabinetmaster's profile


10874 posts in 4062 days

#2 posted 12-13-2009 03:58 AM

Gee thanks David…...........................LOL Don’t give my wife any ideas…

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

View cstrang's profile


1832 posts in 3672 days

#3 posted 12-13-2009 04:00 AM

Hahaha, some good ideas… I mean good funny comments, oops almost let that one slip lol. One of my co-workers doesn’t go shopping with his wife but he did have this to say in the break room today “I had to drive the car to work today, Michelle wanted the van to go Christmas shopping… that can’t be good.”

-- A hammer dangling from a wall will bang and sound like work when the wind blows the right way.

View mikethetermite's profile


600 posts in 3771 days

#4 posted 12-13-2009 04:01 AM

That is the best yet, and it fits a lot of us.

-- Mike The Termite ~~~~~ Working safely may get old, but so do those who practice it.

View Mark's profile


1817 posts in 3778 days

#5 posted 12-13-2009 04:04 AM

lmfao roflmao….tghats just so hilarious. surprised my wife doesnt do that coming to HD with me

-- M.K.

View a1Jim's profile


117721 posts in 4081 days

#6 posted 12-13-2009 04:14 AM

That’s great stuff. You don’t have to have your wife there, you can just go to any store while the glue on your project is drying and give any or all of these techniques a try.

View degoose's profile


7257 posts in 3859 days

#7 posted 12-13-2009 07:08 AM

You win Master Cabinet Maker… Tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks.. and no toilet paper here either.

-- Don't drink and use power tools @

View John Gray's profile

John Gray

2370 posts in 4390 days

#8 posted 12-13-2009 07:18 AM

HO HO HO 8^)

-- Only the Shadow knows....................

View cabinetmaster's profile


10874 posts in 4062 days

#9 posted 12-13-2009 04:08 PM

Thanks guys…..........I’m still laughing myself.

-- Jerry--A man can never have enough tools or clamps

View Lee A. Jesberger's profile

Lee A. Jesberger

6866 posts in 4484 days

#10 posted 12-13-2009 05:23 PM

Hi Jerry;

Very funny.


-- by Lee A. Jesberger

View Scott Bryan's profile

Scott Bryan

27250 posts in 4326 days

#11 posted 12-13-2009 05:38 PM

Jerry, this was pretty good. It definately gives me some ideas and certainly would be more entertaining instead of taking charge of the coupons or holding outfits for her while she browses more aisles.

-- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine

View Jim Bertelson's profile

Jim Bertelson

4267 posts in 3669 days

#12 posted 12-13-2009 05:55 PM

This is pretty good training for the young guy who hasn’t figured out how to keep from shopping with his wife. It has taken me 25 years, but not only does my wife not ask me to go shopping with her…....she won’t let me shop with her (-:

-- Jim, Anchorage Alaska

View spud72's profile


332 posts in 3998 days

#13 posted 12-14-2009 01:50 AM

Hey, I think I know this guy!


-- Guy,PEI

View Seer's profile


309 posts in 4147 days

#14 posted 12-14-2009 01:55 AM

Gives me some good ideas at Wally World next time


View Kent Shepherd's profile

Kent Shepherd

2718 posts in 3791 days

#15 posted 12-14-2009 04:15 PM

This made my day. I can’t wait to try all this out. Of course I may also get banned from home!


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