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Joke Of The Day

271781 Views 5415 Replies 226 Participants Last post by  rad457
Hemi the builder was going through a house he had just built for the woman who owned it.

She was telling him what colour to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said 'I want this room to be painted a light blue.'

The builder went to the front door and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red.

The builder went to the front door and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan.

The builder went to the front door and yelled 'GREEN SIDE UP!'

When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him 'I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell green side up; what is that for?'

The builder said, 'Oh don't worry about that, I've just got a couple of Aussies laying the turf out front….'
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and with that, I deeply apologize for the confusion. you all are free to discuss whatever you want in any context. I do not take your feedback personal or consider it arguing, confrontational or anything else. From a personal standpoint, I would like for it to just away and you guys can get back to sharing humorous stories.
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Ron - (and everyone else) my anti-violence was from me personally
So you're projecting your loss on us and limiting our free speech? Discussions regarding firearms are not mentioned in the Terms of Use, so I assume they are open for discussion.

Yet you, John Smith, "Administrator," deny us the right to speak freely because it hurts your feelings?

Who do you think you are?
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There is no free speech on this site. Free Larry!
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I can't believe the fit and finish - outstanding job on this. are you a professional craftsman ? if not you should be, this is a dynamite pallet. Good Job
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Happy Holidays!

Skip to 2:07 for the enjoyable rendition....

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.

13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.

14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.

15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.

16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.

23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”

24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.

25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
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An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost.

Wandering about, he notices a lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep ******************** now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the lion, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion. The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says........

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

Bull ******************** and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old, just 'youthfully challenged'.
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