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Answers purportedly received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.

1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
What for? He can't see my licence plate.

2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
Always wear a condom.

4. When driving through fog, what should you use?
Your car.

5. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

6. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

7. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

8. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
The colour.

9. How do you deal with heavy traffic?
Heavy psychedelics.

10. What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
Carry loaded weapons.
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Being Australian
is about driving in a German car
to an Irish pub
for A Belgian beer,
then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry
or A Turkish kebab,
to sit on Swedish furniture and
watch American shows
on a Japanese TV.
Oh and….
Only in Australia …
can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance.

Only in Australia …
do supermarkets make
sick people walk all the way
to the back of the shop
to get their prescriptions
while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Australia …
do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries and
a DIET coke.

Only in Australia …
do banks leave both doors wide open
and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Australia …
do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and
lock our junk and cheap lawn mower
in the garage.

NOT TO MENTION….

3 Aussies die each year
testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

58 Aussies are injured each year
by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Aussies have died since 1996
by watering their Christmas tree
while the fairy lights were plugged in.

8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000
trying on a new jumper
with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Aussies
were admitted to Emergency
in the last two years
after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

and finally…......

In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull
whilst throwing up into the toilet.
 

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Scrappy is 100% correct ! Thanks for all of the laughs , Larry : ) I guess some things in life are Universal ! I love the Pharmacy vs. Cigarette equation…LMAO
 
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