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What is the stupidest project you had to do?

by Jacksdad
posted 07-25-2017 03:20 PM


24 replies so far

View papadan's profile

papadan

3584 posts in 3935 days


#1 posted 07-25-2017 04:08 PM

I’ve got about a half dozen a week, they’re called honey-do’s. Long happy marriage means doing the HD’s without complaint! She has taken good care of me for over 42 years now. ;-)

View Woodknack's profile

Woodknack

12950 posts in 2947 days


#2 posted 07-26-2017 12:24 AM

As long as the pay is worth the effort, when it isn’t, it’s dumb.

-- Rick M, http://thewoodknack.blogspot.com/

View JollyGreen67's profile

JollyGreen67

1676 posts in 3330 days


#3 posted 07-26-2017 03:20 AM

papadan is spot on ! :o))

-- When I was a kid I wanted to be older . . . . . this CRAP is not what I expected ! RIP 09/08/2018

View OleGrump's profile

OleGrump

513 posts in 911 days


#4 posted 07-26-2017 02:10 PM

My father was the KING of thinking up STUPID projects that “HAD” to be done, (in his twisted mind, anyway) usually involving some sort of personal injury. A NORMAL person will THINK about the safest and most efficient manner in which to approach a project. IF dad thought about how to do something at ALL, it was to figure out the most difficult and dangerous way to do it. Even the Egyptians worked more efficiently! The complete reckless abandon with which dad approached a project would terrify even Tim Allen. (who could have gotten YEARS of material watching this man try to do things….)
Anyway, at 11 or 12 years old, in the early 1970s, I used to HATE when dad wanted to use “the compressor”. It was an ancient piece of equipment, at least 30 years old THEN, solid metal, bolted to an iron frame. The GD piece of S* weighed a TON! It would stand steady through a hurricane. (it survived Agnes!) This monstrosity was jointly owned by dad and one of his equally insane friends. Whenever one of them wanted to use it, it was invariably at the other one’s house. This required going to the other guy’s house, and LITERALLY picking up the SOB and LIFTING it into the truck. It was ALL the two of us could do to accomplish this task, and we were both winded once it was on the truck. Naturally, it had to be unloaded and put into position when we got it back home. (You had to heave-ho it wherever dad “needed” it.)
Why neither one of the “Einsteins” who owned the piece of crap never had the brains or the ambition to build a cart and put it on wheels I could never understand. Dad did get a more modern compressor ON WHEELS and with a handle in the mid 1970s. I don’t think I was ever so happy for someone else to receive a tool in my life !!!
Yes, the wife thinks up a bunch of stupid projects, SHE says “have” to get done, but none of them are inherently dangerous to life and limb. Don’t even ASK about dad and his chainsaw…...

-- OleGrump

View Mike_in_STL's profile

Mike_in_STL

1083 posts in 1101 days


#5 posted 07-26-2017 05:23 PM

I wanna know about Dad and his chainsaw!!!!!! I WANNA KNOW!!!

-- Sawdust makes me whole --Mike in STL

View OleGrump's profile

OleGrump

513 posts in 911 days


#6 posted 07-27-2017 02:38 PM



I wanna know about Dad and his chainsaw!!!!!! I WANNA KNOW!!!

- Michaeldarnold

The man might as well have worn a hockey mask when using his chainsaw. How my brothers and I even SURVIVED is a miracle. Catch phrase: “Lord Boy, I didn’t MEAN to do that…..” used with literally EVERY task at hand. Logs to be sawn were to be propped up by whatever means necessary, because dad couldn’t “let my chainsaw touch dirt, it’ll dull the blade!” OK, so naturally, he used his sons as often as possible to get logs off the ground while he bucked them. We were usually assigned the end of the log which was long enough to hold with our hands, at a relatively safe distance from the blade. Relatively. We were squatting or kneeling close enough to get a face-full of sawdust at each cut. At one time I owned few wooded acres abutting property dad owned. Bad idea. He decided one day that he was going to “help” me, and start cutting some trees “out of the way so you can drive a car back in there.” Here we go. Dad chose his first intended deciduous victim, and started the chainsaw. For anyone who doesn’t know what “fool-killers” are, these are branches or other trees which have fallen and are being held up by another tree. One should NEVER try to cut down a tree in a heavily wooded area without first ensuring that there aren’t any fool-killers up in that tree. They SHOULD. Dad never did. The first cut wen smoothly enough. The second cut yielded a log about 18’ in length which had to be knocked away from the truck, which merely slid straight down. (Not a GOOD sign here, folks) The third cut yielded a tremendous amount of cracking noise and domino type movement, resulting in three or four large limbs plummeting to Earth, while I ran backwards and dad sprang forward from his kneeling position. Fortunately for him, the tangled mass of limbs, each about 9 inches in diameter, wedged together during the fall and came to rest about a foot or so above his lower legs, which would have been crushed if they had fallen all the way down. As the dust was literally settling, dad looked at me wide-eyed and said “See there, boy, that’s why you should never be in the woods alone!” That project ended immediately after we disentangled dad and his precious chainsaw from the tree limbs. Another fine occasion, dad was at my Grandfather’s house, and was clearing some locust limbs that had fallen during a storm. In the absence of male offspring to hold these limbs while he cut them, dad naturally used his knee. This project came to an abrupt halt when he succeeded in cutting through one of the limbs and into his upper leg about six or seven inches above his knee. How he didn’t sever his femoral artery and bleed out, I’ll never know. A 25 mile trip to the hospital and several stiches later, he decided to let someone else finish the job. These are just a couple of the highlights of dad’s mis-adventures with his chainsaw, but y’all get the idea.

-- OleGrump

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firefighterontheside

20701 posts in 2423 days


#7 posted 07-27-2017 02:39 PM

For me it was making checkers pieces.

-- Bill M. "People change, walnut doesn't" by Gene.

View Jacksdad's profile

Jacksdad

240 posts in 991 days


#8 posted 07-27-2017 02:41 PM

You win

View Mike_in_STL's profile

Mike_in_STL

1083 posts in 1101 days


#9 posted 07-27-2017 04:22 PM

OleGrump,

YIKES….’nuff said.

-- Sawdust makes me whole --Mike in STL

View OleGrump's profile

OleGrump

513 posts in 911 days


#10 posted 07-27-2017 06:21 PM



OleGrump,

YIKES…. nuff said.

- Michaeldarnold

The only other place I’ve seen sections of tree trunks knocked out like that with the tree standing straight, but getting shorter like that is in the cartoons. My brothers and I are just glad that by the time the Sawzall came into common use, dad was too old to use power tools anymore. That would have been a REAL menace to society…... :-)

-- OleGrump

View moke's profile

moke

1457 posts in 3343 days


#11 posted 07-28-2017 05:10 PM

OleGrump…great stories….you better record all those for future generations and future posts!!!!!
You made us all laugh!!! Thanks!
Mike

-- Mike

View Woodknack's profile

Woodknack

12950 posts in 2947 days


#12 posted 07-28-2017 07:02 PM

I could read those dad stories all day.

My dad used to do stupid things like reach under running mowers to “clear out the clog.” One of his favorite sayings was, “Don’t ever let me catch you doing this!” I always thought to myself, “YOU WON’T because I’m not an idiot!” Of course I never said that because the default punishment in my house was dad’s leather belt across the back and thighs so I would just nod in agreement. He wasn’t dumb and was a math wizard, but he wasn’t safety conscious by any stretch.

-- Rick M, http://thewoodknack.blogspot.com/

View oldnovice's profile

oldnovice

7511 posts in 3934 days


#13 posted 07-28-2017 08:27 PM

When I was going to school my wife and I lived in a trailer court in Menomonie Wisconsin. Near the front of my trailer was a stump about 8 inches above the ground which all the older residents call “limpy”! One day out of curiosity I asked one of the residents why is that stump called “limpy”?
Walter, who had lived there for over two years, told me that shortly after he moved in the landlord asked him for some help taking down a tree to make room for another trailer. Walter agreed and they both went to the tree where the landlord immediately started the chainsaw and began cutting the 8 inch diameter pine. The tree fell to about a 45° angle as it was hung up in a clump of neighboring trees.
Walter said that the landlord looked at him and, without any further hesitation, climbed the suspended tree with running chainsaw in hand. When he reached about 20 feet above the ground the tree started to fall and the landlord managed to jump off with his chainsaw still running. Just before he hit the ground he was able to throw the chainsaw away from his landing spot but he landed on his hip and has been “limpy” ever since.

This is a true story, only the names have been changed to protect the stupid ones.

-- "I never met a board I didn't like!"

View OleGrump's profile

OleGrump

513 posts in 911 days


#14 posted 08-01-2017 01:39 PM

Getting back to original purpose of this thread (although lugging that GD heavy assed compressor around was pretty stupid!) But the stupidest “woodworking” project I ever got talked in to doing was a “fireplace log”. The lady (and it seems it’s ALWAYS a lady, doesn’t it….?) wanted me to drill four large diameter shallow holes in row in the top of a log (my choice, random log). The idea was that she was going to put some of those tea-light candles in the tinfoil cups in the holes, and the log was to rest in the fire place. This would supposedly give the “feel” of a fire without tending it or the mess. I did go one step further and cut a flat section on the “bottom” of the log on the band saw, so it wouldn’t roll on the grate. We’ll never see one of these in a woodworking magazine…...

-- OleGrump

View papadan's profile

papadan

3584 posts in 3935 days


#15 posted 08-01-2017 04:20 PM

I will never tell my son about this site, I’m afraid he would tell all about his dads screw ups! ;-)

View OleGrump's profile

OleGrump

513 posts in 911 days


#16 posted 08-01-2017 04:38 PM

OK, I was going to let it rest, but after some prompting, I’ll post one more story. My old maid aunt wanted dad to replace an old light fixture in a small room at the back of her house off the dining room. I was enlisted to help with some other projects around the house as well, so I got to witness the floor show that was to unfold.
Dad unpacked the new light fixture, shiny brass base with a large milk glass globe, and placed it ON THE FLOOR directly in front of the step ladder, and proceeded to climb up to detach the existing fixture. There was a pair of pliers hanging by one handle in his back pocket, and the motions he made removing the old fixture caused them to wiggle loose and fall, taking a nice chunk out of the new milk glass globe. (I was stifling laughter already)
Undaunted, dad proceeded to install the brass base of the new fixture on the ceiling. Then he climbed down the ladder and took one step backward, directly onto the remains of the glass globe, smashing it completely. “DOG-GONE IT! I was gonna glue that back together!”, and proceeded to replace the old fixture. I RAN into the kitchen and clung onto the sink, convulsing with SILENT laughter.

-- OleGrump

View Rick  Dennington's profile

Rick Dennington

6785 posts in 3761 days


#17 posted 08-01-2017 04:54 PM

Maybe not stupid, but I had a customer who wanted me to build him some “dog steps” so his dogs could get up in the high bed he had and sleep with him…along with 2-3 cats, also….He gave me the measurements of how how, how wide, and how many steps needed…I built it to his specs, got paid well for the job, but I thought it was a stupid thing to want…..he had 6 dogs, and 2-3 cats….He was a dip to begin with, but I built it, cause the money was right…

Sorry about the sideways pictures…These were taken a couple of years ago…I’ve learned how to post them since then…

-- " There's a better way.....find it"...... Thomas Edison.

View Just_Iain's profile

Just_Iain

305 posts in 983 days


#18 posted 08-02-2017 06:40 PM

For want of the proper name, we’ll call it a florescent light surround. The lady of the new house we were building wanted the stock florescent light unit to blend in with the pine cupboards. So I got the job to build a box with that consisted of 4 sides with no top or bottom. Neatly done with beveled joints and held it up for her approval on the ceiling. “Where are all the knots?” She wanted pine with lots and lots of knots (which I had purposely rejected when I picked the wood I was building it with). So I collected the reject wood and did it again.

-- For those about to die, remember your bicycle helmet!

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Just_Iain

305 posts in 983 days


#19 posted 08-02-2017 07:03 PM

OleGrump had his Dad, I had a house customer back in the 1980’s.

The plans were for a 8 sided house with ‘self-supporting’ roof (think piecrust with 8 valleys and 8 ridges) which meant that for half the house, the underside of the roof was visible. The centre of the house had a wall running from one side of the house to the other stretching from the floor to the ceiling. The customer on reflection decided that he wanted the space over the centre of the house to be open. So the floor to ceiling wall was stopped at the height of the rooms and there was space above the bathroom was reinforced to take a baby grand piano. The ceiling still had to supported so we installed posts and reinforced the walls to take the weight of the roof. Before we could finish the house, the owner ran out of money and we parted ways.

6 months later on Christmas morning we get a call. The house is falling down. On inspection, we discovered this moron had decided that he would turn the space above the rooms into additional storage space for what I’m not sure. This space was intended to be an attic so the ceiling joists were undersized to be a floor. And he had taken out the roof support posts and nothing happened at the time so all was good. Then months later it snowed. And the roof started to pancake. And two of the house corners split apart at the top to accommodate the flattening roof. The owner’s comment? It was a ‘self-supporting’ roof of course. We cut and added posts so roof wouldn’t collapse further and warned the owner to leave things alone. We were back a few days later with a very large hydraulic jack and two logging ‘come-alongs’ to lift the roof and pull the house back together (I got to use the jack up in the ceiling area – lucky me). Dad had to warn the gentlemen to leave well enough alone and that as far as he was concerned, we we done with the house. 6 months later the gentlemen passed away and we never heard another word about the house.

-- For those about to die, remember your bicycle helmet!

View woodbutcherbynight's profile

woodbutcherbynight

5975 posts in 2976 days


#20 posted 08-02-2017 11:34 PM

Paint a room pink. The money was very good but the pink was killing me bright!

-- Live to tell the stories, they sound better that way.

View OleGrump's profile

OleGrump

513 posts in 911 days


#21 posted 08-16-2017 05:43 PM

Hey Gang, I saw a commercial on TV yesterday, where a guy was trying to put a couch into the bed of a pick-up truck by himself. A woman steps into the foreground and speaks into the camera, while the couch sits with one end on the truck and the other on the ground. They guy comes back to the couch and raises a chainsaw above it in about the middle. Now why was I instantly reminded of Dad…..??? I never found out what the commercial was about, I certainly LMAO.

-- OleGrump

View Jim Jakosh's profile

Jim Jakosh

23619 posts in 3672 days


#22 posted 08-18-2017 11:58 PM

I don’t get many stupid ones. If I feel they are ,I refuse them. Many are interesting and I treat them as a challenge just so see if I can complete them and usually find a way.

If they are from my wife. I get them out of the shop in a hurry and don’t rate them!! Silence is Golden!!!!!!!!

cheers, Jim

-- Jim Jakosh.....Practical Wood Products...........Learn something new every day!! Variety is the Spice of Life!!

View papadan's profile

papadan

3584 posts in 3935 days


#23 posted 08-19-2017 12:15 AM



I don t get many stupid ones. If I feel they are ,I refuse them. Many are interesting and I treat them as a challenge just so see if I can complete them and usually find a way.

If they are from my wife. I get them out of the shop in a hurry and don t rate them!! Silence is Golden!!!!!!!!

cheers, Jim

- Jim Jakosh


Jim, I always thought you were smart, now here’s proof. ;-)

View OleGrump's profile

OleGrump

513 posts in 911 days


#24 posted 09-05-2017 02:44 PM

Junior High School, Fall Semester, 19 (cough, cough….) We had to make those COMPLETELY stupid “Notepaper” holders. The ones that look like a larger wooden version of an office tape dispenser with a broken piece of hacksaw blade screwed to it to “cut off the paper to the length you need.” Yeah right. First, where the Hell do you buy “notepaper” that comes in rolls like adding machine tape? Second, the only thing the damned hacksaw blade cut was our fingers as we tried to get the right length to fit our “project”. Mine went in the trash as soon as the semester was over. Fast forward “a couple” of decades to 2011 when the wife and I bought our current home, which was built in 1950. Son of a * !!! if there wasn’t one of those damned “notepaper holders” hanging up high on the wall in the garage…..... Maybe I’ll have to call an Exorcist to get rid of it….....
At least Mom pretended to be happy about the napkin holder with the sides scroll sawn to look like scotty dogs. Even if she already had two others made by my older brothers in their respective shop classes.

-- OleGrump

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