The bench that did not want to be

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Project by Kennethjg posted 11-22-2015 11:37 PM 3133 views 1 time favorited 17 comments Add to Favorites Watch

A little while back, when I set out to build a work bench and went to buy some lumber, I didn’t realize I was buying maple from a tree planted buy the dark lord himself, whose roots extended into the bowels of hell and received sustenance from the tears of the suffering.
This thing fought me every step of the way. I swear it’s cursed. I’m almost afraid to work on it. Anyway, it’s done.
34” tall, 72” long by 24” wide
It’s soft maple, walnut, and cherry

I’m not super satisfied with the hardware, as the tail vise was extremely difficult to build because of its design. I wouldn’t recommend wood river vise hardware to anyone.

Anyway. I’m over this damn bench. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

-- It ain't custom unless you fucked it up.

17 comments so far

View bearkatwood's profile


1830 posts in 1982 days

#1 posted 11-23-2015 12:18 AM

nice job!

-- Brian Noel

View schloemoe's profile


709 posts in 3908 days

#2 posted 11-23-2015 12:41 AM

looks real good you have a lot more tenacity than I. It would have ended up in the fireplace long ago

-- schloemoe, Oregon , http://www.

View BurlyBob's profile


8266 posts in 3235 days

#3 posted 11-23-2015 02:43 AM

Maybe it didn’t want to be, but it certainly is! That is a fantastic looking bench.

View MC's profile


234 posts in 3317 days

#4 posted 11-23-2015 02:47 AM

LMAO! Nice bench.

View woodchuckerNJ's profile


1440 posts in 2604 days

#5 posted 11-23-2015 03:08 AM

What Burly Bob said..

Yea, I think of wood river as a wanna be, but isn’t.

-- Jeff NJ

View Scott Landry's profile

Scott Landry

210 posts in 2440 days

#6 posted 11-23-2015 05:34 AM

Nice bench. I love that you made the legs flush with the sides. You should throw some dog holes in the legs for those hold downs. I use mine all the time for holding stock vertical.

-- Every project is an opportunity to acquire new tools and any solution that requires buying a new tool is the correct one.

View Colin's profile


174 posts in 2334 days

#7 posted 11-23-2015 08:08 AM

Turned out pretty good for a satanic hell bench!
Maybe you could use some really spiky hold downs for the politician’s souls :o)

-- Live Forever...............or Die Trying

View snowdog's profile


1167 posts in 4952 days

#8 posted 11-23-2015 11:53 AM

Well done. Sorry it was a demon sent from hell sent to cause you grief. I also learned .. you do not cheep out on a vice

-- "so much to learn and so little time"..

View benchbuilder's profile


285 posts in 3420 days

#9 posted 11-23-2015 12:43 PM

One great looking bench, now you can make heavenly things on it and tame its ways. You can build a bench like this, then you can build anything you put your mind to on it. You surly are a never say die guy!!! Great job!!!!

View A Slice of Wood Workshop's profile

A Slice of Wood Workshop

1118 posts in 4143 days

#10 posted 11-23-2015 02:29 PM

Excellent looking bench. I really like the different colors in it.

-- Follow me on YouTube-

View 1911kevin's profile


54 posts in 2708 days

#11 posted 11-23-2015 03:21 PM

Well the end result is gorgeous and it looks like it will serve you now instead of satan so you won. Great bench, thanks for sharing!

View dannorocks's profile


65 posts in 2148 days

#12 posted 11-23-2015 09:42 PM

HAHAHAHA!!!! I was expecting a nice comment about how lovely your build went, but it seems like you went through hell and back to make it. I sometimes curse at Norm Abrams when I’m working. But never I’ve thought a tree grew from such evil, and I have no advice on that part. But it looks like someone’s initials has put on a leg so I do see the effort to own it. Good luck working on it and I think it looks wonderful and very functional.

View Pointer's profile


463 posts in 2081 days

#13 posted 11-23-2015 09:49 PM

You should be a writer. I was totally drawn in with your first paragraph. :)
Sorry about all the troubles you had with your bench.
It turned out nice though.

-- Joe - I am not entirely worthless, I can always serve as a bad example.

View jcees's profile


1079 posts in 4769 days

#14 posted 11-23-2015 11:02 PM

Nice bench! Woodworking in general can seem a “dark art” at any given time. Just don’t sell your soul before you ask for guidance and/or help with your next challenge. Good luck, welcome to the joys and fits of working wood.

-- When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world. -- John Muir

View Kennethjg's profile


50 posts in 1905 days

#15 posted 11-24-2015 12:37 AM

Thanks for all the kind words guys. It means a lot. I actually meant to go into more depth in the original post, but I was so mentally drained from building this thing that my brain wasn’t working.
I’ve done a few projects like this that were quite an endeavor and never had this many problems occur. Most of them were just careless mistakes on my part, but it was a good exercise for me, to keep me sharp and focused and to learn how to fix (or hide) mistakes that do happen.
Here’s a few of the things that went wrong on this build:
I mortised a leg in the wrong location for one of the supports that is directly beneath the table top.
One of my square dog holes wound up right above the leg, so I have to make a dog for that specific hole because it can only go down until it hits the leg.
I drilled a round hole for the holdfast directly over one of the supports under the table, so the holdfast hits it.
I had to build the tail vise 3 times because of stupid mistakes, or overlooking one facet of the intricacies of that terrible wood river design.

All that being said, I absolutely love my bench, and it’s already made working on projects so much easier. It will prove to be a good platform to work and learn on hopefully for the rest of my life, because I never wanna build another one.

-- It ain't custom unless you fucked it up.

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