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Major problem, need ideas,

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Blog entry by MBAJIM posted 07-18-2017 02:53 AM 1265 reads 0 times favorited 18 comments Add to Favorites Watch

This really doesn’t have anything to do with woodworking, but more-so my idiot brother-in-law that is stealing everything of mine. It started a long dang time ago, and it is just getting worse and worse. I’m 36 now, when I was 15 he stole a 30-30 gun, no idea where its went—a second degree felony—tents, sleeping bags, tools, baseball equipment, a computer, ~$6,000 total. More recently he has stole ~$900 of brand new Ryobi cordless tools and batteries. I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t call the cops because I live with my parents and they told me that “if I file a report they’ll kick me out, and they won’t ever see their grandkids again,” but I don’t honestly care. I’m really torn about this, really, really, torn.

My idea is to sit both my sister—who thinks this a-hole is a good man—and him down, and tell them if they want a relationship with me that he will write a letter of apology listing the items that he’s taken, pay me for everything, then promise to never again still anything. But, all this will do is cause family drama because how dare I confront this idiot over him being and liar and thief?!?

I have no respect for this man, and I do not like him, but I would like a relationship with my sister and her kids and that is another reason I don’t file a police report on him. If he was anyone else he’d already be in jail.

My woodworking friends, idea’s please?

-- Talking out of turn? That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window? That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.



18 comments so far

View TheFridge's profile

TheFridge

10858 posts in 1937 days


#1 posted 07-18-2017 03:45 AM

get some hidden cameras and leave some really tempting bait and show it to everyone if he takes it.

-- Shooting down the walls of heartache. Bang bang. I am. The warrior.

View No12's profile

No12

7 posts in 1430 days


#2 posted 07-18-2017 10:35 AM

Tell your parents they owe you $900. I had a brother in law like that. He would ” borrow ” things and not return them. His reasoning was ” you make more than me” or ” I got kids” what an a—hole. Luckily I got divorced so I never saw him again. Just venting!

View JCamp's profile

JCamp

996 posts in 1001 days


#3 posted 07-18-2017 10:51 AM

I have a BIL that I do not like. The feeling is mutual cause he doesn’t care for me either so I feel ur pain
Not to be a jerk but one of the main problems is that you are 36 an living with your parents…..
Ok ill leave that one alone and just offer some other ideas.
1 -Camera sounds like a good idea. A picture speaks a thousand words so a video should be enough. Plus you can always show it to everyone and tell him the police will be the next to see it if you don’t get all your stuff back
2 – Buy/build a decent little storage building that ONLY you have the keys for and keep the keys on you or hidden
3- Submit a itemized bill for all the things stolen to ur parent/sister. Mayb showing them the monetary value of what was stolen will make them realize the jerk has a problem (I mean the money has to be going somewhere if he is selling the stuff)
4 – Keep ur tools locked in your truck/car and keep the keys on you or hidden
5- Next time something of value is taken call the police, make sure to have the serial numbers and if/when he gets caught play dumb with the family since they wont admit that hes a thief how could you know he was
6- This one isn’t really the best idea but a good beat down might put a stop to it (Undertake that at your own risk and liability)
From your story I doubt the guy can pay you back. If he is keeping the tools and not selling them go over to his place for a “visit” and steal it all back (aka retrieve it)
The saying that you can pick your friends but not your family is definitely true. Sometimes sad but always true.

-- Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might

View gargey's profile

gargey

1013 posts in 1226 days


#4 posted 07-18-2017 12:52 PM

Yeah, might be time to leave the nest so you can live by your own rules.

View MBAJIM's profile

MBAJIM

21 posts in 902 days


#5 posted 07-18-2017 02:31 PM

Guys, the only reason I live with my parents is because I have advanced M.S., (Multiple Sclerosis), I cannot work, most days I don’t get out of bed…(which honestly, in my opinion, makes it so much worse. Who in the hell steals from a disabled person with nothing?) So, while I realize that living with my parents isn’t the best situation, it’s nothing I can do anything about right now. But I am working on getting my own place, (or thinking about idea’s on how I do it).

Thanks for everyone’s idea’s, they’re all really great and I appreciate them, I truly do.

-- Talking out of turn? That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window? That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

View Dwain's profile

Dwain

596 posts in 4310 days


#6 posted 07-18-2017 03:12 PM

Move. Get out. It sounds like your brother in law is pretty enabled. I am sorry for your situation. Moving out may be difficult, but it seems as that should be your final goal. Until that happens, lock all of your stuff up. Camera is a good idea, and if it’s locked up in say an old school locker, you only need to keep the camera on that one area.

Frankly, I’m not sure this is the site to give advice on family issues, but I do feel for your situation. I have some family members who are suffering with MS.

Good luck to you.

-- When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there is no end to what you CAN'T do

View MBAJIM's profile

MBAJIM

21 posts in 902 days


#7 posted 07-18-2017 03:15 PM

@Dwain, I agree with you brother. This site isn’t the best place to talk about this, but I’m at my wits-end, ya know?

Thanks for the well wishes!!

-- Talking out of turn? That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window? That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

View chrisstef's profile

chrisstef

17941 posts in 3457 days


#8 posted 07-18-2017 03:20 PM

What a crappy story. Why is he stealing from anyone is my question. My mind immediately moves towards this guy being an addict. I hope its only cynicism but most of the time its the truth. If that’s the case I would call cops. He’s got children and there’s no good reason for kids to grow up around that kind of nonsense.

Camera’s an bait sounds like a good idea in my book. Or maybe the next time mom and dad go to see the grandkids they can spot the stolen loot.

Most of the time they end up at pawn shops. You can call around and let all the pawn shops know he’s peddling stolen goods. A buddy of mine runs a pawny and they hate harboring stolen goods.

-- Its not a crack, its a casting imperfection.

View gargey's profile

gargey

1013 posts in 1226 days


#9 posted 07-18-2017 03:37 PM

Didn’t know that. That makes it all the more unreasonable for your parents to say they’ll kick you out…

I guess all you can do is lock your stuff up. Also, there is an intermediate step before calling the cops: have you confronted him, accused him, etc? At the very least you can stand up for yourself and let him know that you know its him.

Your idea on forcing him to pay you back isn’t gonna work, because that money is gone, and he needs to steal to get money…


Guys, the only reason I live with my parents is because I have advanced M.S., (Multiple Sclerosis), I cannot work, most days I don t get out of bed…
MBAJIM

View nkawtg's profile

nkawtg

289 posts in 1702 days


#10 posted 07-18-2017 04:45 PM

You’re 36 and living at home?
Move out, get independent and forbid him from visiting your home.
Get proof of the crimes.
Call the cops, don’t worry about what your parents said, they don’t always make the best choices.
And there is no reason why they’ll never see their grandkids again.

View abie's profile

abie

890 posts in 4222 days


#11 posted 07-19-2017 02:19 PM

Ditto to the above
time to move out and move on…

-- Bruce. a mind is like a book it is only useful when open.

View MBAJIM's profile

MBAJIM

21 posts in 902 days


#12 posted 07-19-2017 05:14 PM

Okay, guys, I understand I shouldn’t be living here, and I totally agree. But, circumstances are that I’m totally disabled, M.S. is a rough disease. My parents are kind enough to take pity on me.

Let me get y’alls opinion on what I’ve decided to do; I’m going to forgive him for everything he’s taken, everything, this fulfills the requirement of Forgiveness set by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I’m going to get motion activated security cameras, then tell this guy that if he chooses to steal from me again, I’ll have it recorded and I’m pressing charges—he’s going to jail, this fulfills the requirement of Justice set by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ… Thoughts?

-- Talking out of turn? That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window? That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

View chrisstef's profile

chrisstef

17941 posts in 3457 days


#13 posted 07-19-2017 06:06 PM

I like it.

And to those who have suggested you move out, I’m guessing they didn’t read all of the posts and fully understand your circumstances.

-- Its not a crack, its a casting imperfection.

View Woodknack's profile

Woodknack

12870 posts in 2831 days


#14 posted 07-19-2017 07:03 PM

You’ve been a doormat and ATM for your BIL. Forgiving him is easier than confrontation or standing up to your parents. Threatening to do something “next time” so you don’t have to do something now. If your parents kick you out then they aren’t worth knowing. Stand up to these people or get them out of your life and stop being a victim.

-- Rick M, http://thewoodknack.blogspot.com/

View MBAJIM's profile

MBAJIM

21 posts in 902 days


#15 posted 07-19-2017 07:21 PM

@Rick M, that’s definitely one way to deal with things.

-- Talking out of turn? That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window? That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

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