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  • · Registered
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    Grumpy, I just got around to reading these jokes. I posted them on FB. The "Once Upon A Time…" made me LOL. I've been alone most of my adult (?) life. I've had the bikes and the child support, but no boat, race car, or my own house. What am I missing? I just don't feel I'm getting all the benefits that, apparently, are my birthright.

    · In Loving Memory
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    10,409 Posts
    Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess,
    "Will you marry me?"

    The Princess immediately said, "No!"

    And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and
    dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Bundaberg Rum, and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated barmaids and kept his house and boat, and ate potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.
    The End.

    · In Loving Memory
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    10,409 Posts
    In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, a preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

    With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

    Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
    The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

    After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

    Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til Thursday."

    · In Loving Memory
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    10,409 Posts
    compliments to Steve for this one.
    .
    When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

    A couple of days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery
    and heard some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

    Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

    The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable
    music coming
    from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

    When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a
    moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played
    backwards."

    He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,

    And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

    So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh… the Sixth…the
    Fifth…"

    Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate;
    he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery.

    "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart
    decomposing."

    · In Loving Memory
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    10,409 Posts
    The Best Pubs Are Irish
    "As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.
    In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals.
    When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
    "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
    "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually.
    Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
    The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
    "Did this actually happen to you,Paddy ?"
    "Not me meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

    · In Loving Memory
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    10,409 Posts
    Thanks Gary, time does get away. 3 years at Lumberjocks just passed & I have enjoyed every day of it. A great bunch of very skilled people from all over the world with an enormous variety of ideas, methods & talent. Too bad there have been events lately that take the shine off things but Lumberjocks will definitely survive.

    · Registered
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    491 Posts
    Well, another year has rolled by. It must have been a really fun year because it seems like yesterday when I congratulated you on being a LJ for 2 years. Congratulations on your 3rd anniversary at Lumber Jocks. Thanks for helping make LJ a great place to visit and happy anniversary!

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    491 Posts
    Hey Grumpy:
    Congratulations on your upcoming 2 year anniversary being a Lumber Jock. Thanks for your posts and participation. Hope all is going well for you.

    · Registered
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    53 Posts
    Hi Grumpy
    thanks for the warm welcome. this site is great a lot of very talented people here , i think i'm going to like being a part of LJ's

    · In Loving Memory
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    10,409 Posts
    Looking forward to your contribution to LJ's Art & welcome once again.

    · Registered
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    1 Posts
    Grumpy, thanks for the warm welcome to LumberJocks. It's great to be able to network with so many that have like interests. I'll be updating my profile shortly and post some some recent project pics. I look forward to keeping in contact. Kind regards from Pringle Bay, South Africa. Arthur T, Pringle Braai Furniture, South Africa, atrfrmusa@yahoo.co.uk.
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