Extremely Average #29: Henry Wood Detective Agency

  • Advertise with us
Blog entry by Ecocandle posted 01-31-2010 05:31 AM 1879 reads 0 times favorited 14 comments Add to Favorites Watch
« Part 28: Confusion and Cats Part 29 of Extremely Average series Part 30: Henry Wood Detective Agency: Monday Morning »

Henry’s head was still throbbing from ringing in the New Year. He looked at his calendar, a present from his brother in Manhattan, a New York Giants fan of all things. The calendar had a team picture of The World Series Champion Giants, who swept the Cleveland Indians in 4 games. It was galling for him to look at and he mumbled to himself, “At least the damn Yankees didn’t win their 6th in a row.” For though Henry didn’t care for the Giants, the previous two years had seen his beloved Brooklyn Dodgers beaten by the Yankees, and he could barely stand it. But looking at Jan 1, 1955 filled him with hope and optimism. This would be the year for Robinson, Hodges, Reese, Koufax, Newcomb, Campanella and the boys. His day dreams were interrupted when there was a mouse like knock at the door. He started to yell, “Come in”, but then lowered his voice and mumbled, “Yes?” His head ache made him wince in pains.

The door opened slowly and a tall svelte woman eased herself into his office. Her dark hair was pulled back in a bun. She was really quite striking, but obviously shy. He guessed librarian. “May I help you?” He asked, trying not to sound miserable.

“Are you Henry Wood, the detective?”

“Yes, and you are?”

“I am Luna Alexander, and I am afraid my father has gotten into a sticky situation. I need your help. I am sorry to bother you, and I didn’t think you would be here, but…”

Henry was a detective by day and a woodworker by night. To be truthful, he was a moderately good sleuth, but a subpar craftsman. Just two days earlier he had been gluing up a jig for his router, to cut perfect dados, and the squeeze out had gotten everywhere. It had been a sticky situation, in its own right. He turned his attention back to Luna, who he was sure wouldn’t be interested in his gluing issues.

After she had told him about her father, his background and when she had last seen him, she asked if she might sit down. When she took a seat, it seemed as if the weight of the world was threatening to crush her. She looked defeated and sad. “Will you help me?”

Henry was about to say that it sounded like a missing persons matter for the police, but instead said, “I would be happy to take your case Luna.” She gave the slightest smile, stood and shook his hand. Henry wasn’t sure, but he thought he caught the briefest glint of hope in her eyes. She handed him an envelope and said, “My address and number are in there, along with the retainer. Please let me know as soon as you find out anything.”

As the door closed, he took out his little notebook and jotted down the details. Her father, a senior level accountant with Smith, Havershome and Blickstein Law firm and had been working for them for 20 years. Lately he had seemed distracted. He and Luna lived in a modest flat in Brooklyn and he took the train into the city. Luna worked at a bakery and was always up and gone before her father, but also arrived home several hours before him. She described him as a meticulous man. He liked routine and always came home at 6:22 each evening. Lately however, he had been getting home at all sort of odd hours, would skip dinner, not even bothering to listen to the radio. He loved his job, he loved radio mysteries, and he loved routine. She mentioned that she first started to notice something strange, when her father didn’t even react to ‘The Shadow’ going off the air.

Henry wondered if ‘The Shadow’ knew what lurked in the heart of Mr. Alexander. He headed back to his tiny little house and into the basement. He checked his magic closet which had a time portal to the future, and occasionally a new and wonderful tool would show up. The Bosch router had arrived just a month or so earlier with a magazine describing all sorts of things it could do. The story of the portal was a mystery that Henry had not been able to solve, but since it hadn’t sucked him into an abyss, and often gave him presents, he didn’t care. Today it was empty. The glue up, from the day before, was ready for him to start the next step. He found that woodworking helped him mull over his cases.

The instructions, in the magazine by Woodsmith, indicated that the dimensions are rough, but Henry figured he needed the practice, so he devoted a bunch of time to precision. After cutting two pieces he realized he hadn’t accounted for the kerf of his circular saw and had also made a measuring error of 2 full inches. He found it amusing that his attempts at precision had been such an abysmal failure. Henry had anticipated just such a result and had purchased plenty of extra lumber. On the upside, he had gotten much more comfortable with his circular saw. Henry was a glass half full sort of guy.

He took a few photos of the glue up and then went upstairs to call Mr. Alexander’s firm. Then his foggy brain remembered that it was Saturday and also January 1, so he would have to wait until Monday. He returned to his jig and thought about Luna.

-- Brian Meeks,

14 comments so far

View John Gray's profile

John Gray

2370 posts in 4213 days

#1 posted 01-31-2010 05:37 AM


-- Only the Shadow knows....................

View Ecocandle's profile


1013 posts in 3393 days

#2 posted 01-31-2010 05:38 AM

I guess you will just have to tune in tomorrow.

-- Brian Meeks,

View Trikzter's profile


42 posts in 3584 days

#3 posted 01-31-2010 05:40 AM

Yes been there done that, messes things up not allowing for the kerf of the blade

-- Rick... A tree knows more about wood then I do.

View patron's profile


13646 posts in 3668 days

#4 posted 01-31-2010 06:07 AM

only the shadow knows ,

that closet sounds like something worthwhile ,

wish i had one .

wish i had a new woman in my life every night too ,
besides the ones selling soap on TV !

actually one would be just fine .

we could make router tables together ,
mistakes and all , into the sunset !

-- david - only thru kindness can this world be whole . If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. Dan Quayle

View rtb's profile


1101 posts in 4040 days

#5 posted 01-31-2010 06:21 AM

This sounds more like a Mike Hammer case to me, or it could bee the green hornet and only Cato knows.

-- RTB. stray animals are just looking for love

View Kacy's profile


101 posts in 3412 days

#6 posted 01-31-2010 07:22 AM

I think I’ve heard this story before, but I’m pretty sure the detective was Guy Noir … Garrison’s lawyers are looking for your phone number! :)

-- Kacy, Louisiana

View Ecocandle's profile


1013 posts in 3393 days

#7 posted 01-31-2010 07:30 AM

Well done Kacy…I do like Lake Woebegon, and I am pleased that you know Guy Noir….though any similarities are purely coicendental, and don’t require any sort of litigation.

-- Brian Meeks,

View Kacy's profile


101 posts in 3412 days

#8 posted 01-31-2010 07:44 AM

My all time favorite Guy Noir line: “She was tall and dark and so beautiful you wanted to just give her all your money right way and skip the preliminaries.” I can’t even count the number of times that has happened to me.

-- Kacy, Louisiana

View Don Butler's profile

Don Butler

1092 posts in 3722 days

#9 posted 01-31-2010 01:28 PM

“What Evil lurks in the hearts of men—————”

-- No trees were damaged in posting this message, but thousands of electrons were seriously inconvenienced.

View SPalm's profile


5332 posts in 4209 days

#10 posted 01-31-2010 03:27 PM

I guess that I don’t think that the glass is half full, nor do I think it is half empty.
I just think that it is twice as large as it needs to be.
So I should take it to the shop and fix it.

Guy Noir has a sound effects guy, and your blog does not. I don’t see this as fair.

-- -- I'm no rocket surgeon

View mtkate's profile


2049 posts in 3652 days

#11 posted 01-31-2010 03:56 PM

Darn – was hoping it would be Sam Malone. Part II would have a big, blond, buxom, straight-talking assistant to help in cutting an 8 X 4 sheet of 3/4 ply…

View stefang's profile


16662 posts in 3661 days

#12 posted 01-31-2010 08:28 PM

Funny you should mention The Shadow. My youngest son dropped by today with a plug-in memory stick and downloaded some “Shadow” radio broadcasts from the old days. I used to listen to it on the radio when I was a kid. I often feel sorry for the newer generations because they never experienced the joy of radio drama. I will be tuning in tomorrow to hear the outcome of the investigation and the glue-up.

-- Mike, an American living in Norway.

View Ecocandle's profile


1013 posts in 3393 days

#13 posted 01-31-2010 08:46 PM

I can promiss an finish to the glue-up, but I am not sure if the investigation will be complete by then. I may tease you for a few more posts. ;-)

-- Brian Meeks,

View sras's profile


5034 posts in 3456 days

#14 posted 01-31-2010 09:02 PM

Please do a blog on the design and construction of the time portal closet. A link to the plans would be helpful as well. I’ve got about half of it figured out on my own – the closet half.

-- Steve - Impatience is Expensive

Have your say...

You must be signed in to post the comments.

DISCLAIMER: Any posts on LJ are posted by individuals acting in their own right and do not necessarily reflect the views of LJ. LJ will not be held liable for the actions of any user.

Latest Projects | Latest Blog Entries | Latest Forum Topics